so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
