party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I believe in your delicious
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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