; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
