i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
