dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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