He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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