He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
