3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
