Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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