you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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