they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
