I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize