Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
