two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
