i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
