saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize