I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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