I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
