we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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