Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We are all done wearing pants today
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
