So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize