Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize