Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
