My friends, they love my intelligence
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
