i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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