Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
