Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
