this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
