jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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