She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
