Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
