I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
