we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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