It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize