Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
