Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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