All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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