When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
