I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
