You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize