The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it hurts more in the daytime
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
