im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
