I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
that's an acceptable place to lick
I looked at my own cervix.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
