i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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