I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
