I cut my penus on the lid.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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