I checked into jail on foursquare
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
