i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
