just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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