I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I looked at my own cervix.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize