this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
