we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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