the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We just shotgunned beers for America
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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