I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize