haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize