love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
