Please, let me fuck your mom
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I believe in your delicious
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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