Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize