I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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