Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
