i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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