I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
