Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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