he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
