Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
