I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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