we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
