Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
